Benefit of Suffering

Today I read over a devotional and the accompanying scripture that my wife sent a few days ago. I sensed a leading to read something like this since last night. And as I read it I was thinking about the contrast between the amazing things that the first century believers witnessed and this seemingly simple request that God was making of Ananias. However I appreciate the way this devotional “fleshed out” the things that might have been going through Ananias’ head.

Suffering. Down through the centuries it has been God’s taming ground for raging bulls. The crucible of pain and hardship is God’s schoolroom where Christians learn humility, compassion, character, patience, and grace.

Every time that I read something like this I know how true it is. And I reminded of how much I am lacking. There was a time that I was very very close to being fully obedient to God’s will in every moment. But these days I just look and watch. But then I also ‘know’ ! … There are still times that I know and do. I can recall times that my wife or someone else will arouse in me something that is a challenge to make a decision.

And during those challenges, I usually make the right decision and do something that would more likely put something on the line for the faith that God has given me. … This reminds me of a part of one of my favorite books written by C.S. Lewis. In the Screwtape letters in chapter five. It’s quite long but I’ll place it here in case the resource link is taken offline one day:

MY DEAR W OR MW OOD,

It is a little bit disappoin ting to expect a detailed report on your work and to receive instead such a vague rhapsody as your last letter. You say you are “delirious with joy” because the European humans have started another of their wars. I see very well what has happened to you. You are not delirious; you are only drunk. Reading between the lines in your very unbalanced account of the patient’s sleepless night, I can reconstruct your state of mind fairly accurately. For the first time in your career you have tasted that wine which is the reward of all our labours—the anguish and bewilderment of a human soul—and it has gone to your head. I can hardly blame you. I do not ex pect old heads on young shoulders. Did the patient respond to some of your terror-pictures of the future? Did you work in some good self-pitying glances at the happy past?—some fine thrills in the pit of his stomach, were there? You played your violin prettily did you? Well, well, it’s all very natural. But do remember, Wormwood, that duty comes before pleasure. If any present self-indulgence on your part leads to the ultimate loss of the prey, you will be left eternally thirsting for that draught of which you are now so much enjoying your first sip. If, on the other hand, by steady and cool-headed application here and now you can finally secure his soul, he will then be yours forever—a brim-full living chalice of despair and horror and astonishment which you can raise to your lips as often as you please. So do not allow any temporary excitement to distract you from the real business of undermining faith and preventing the formation of virtues. Give me without fail in your next letter a full account of the patient’s reactions to the war, so that we can consider whether you are likely to do more good by making him an extreme patriot or an ardent pacifist. There are all sorts of possibilities. In the meantime, I must warn you not to hope too much from a war.

Of course a war is entertaining. The immediate fear and suffering of the humans is a legitimate and pleasing refreshment for our myriads of toiling workers. But what permanent good does it do us unless we make use of it for bringing souls to Our Father Below? When I see the temporal suffering of humans who finally escape us, I feel as if I had been allowed to taste the first course of a rich banquet and then denied the rest. It is worse than not to have tasted it at all. The Enemy, true to His barbarous methods of warfare, allows us to see the short misery of His favourites only to tantalise and torment us—to mock the incessant hunger which, during this present phase of the great conflict, His blockade is admittedly imposing. Let us therefore think rather how to use, than how to enjoy, this European war. For it has certain tendencies inherent in it which are, in themselves, by no means in our favour. We may hope for a good deal of cruelty and unchastity.

But, if we are not careful, we shall see thousands turning in this tribulation to the Enemy, while tens of thousands who do not go so far as that will nevertheless have their attention diverted from themselves to values and causes which they believe to be higher than the self. I know that the Enemy disapproves many of these causes. But that is where He is so unfair. He often makes prizes of humans who have given their lives for causes He thinks bad on the monstrously sophistical ground that the humans thought them good and were following the best they knew. Consider too what undesirable deaths occur in wartime. Men are killed in places where they knew they might be killed and to which they go, if they are at all of the Enemy’s party, prepared. How much better for us if all humans died in costly nursing homes amid doctors who lie, nurses who lie, friends who lie, as we have trained them, promising life to the dying, encouraging the belief that sickness excuses every indulgence, and even, if our workers know their job, withholding all suggestion of a priest lest it should betray to the sick man his true condition! And how disastrous for us is the continual remembrance of death which war enforces. One of our best weapons, contented worldliness, is rendered useless. In wartime not even a human can believe that he is going to live forever.

I know that Scabtree and others have seen in wars a great opportunity for attacks on faith, but I think that view was exaggerated. The Enemy’s human partisans have all been plainly told by Him that suffering is an essential part of what He calls Redemption; so that a faith which is destroyed by a war or a pestilence cannot really have been worth the trouble of destroying. I am speaking now of diffused suffering over a long period such as the war will produce. Of course, at the precise moment of terror, bereavement, or physical pain, you may catch your man when his reason is temporarily suspended. But even then, if he applies to Enemy headquarters, I have found that the post is nearly always defended,

Your affectionate uncle

SCREWTAPE

As you most likely have already concluded, this is a book of many fictitious letters from an older (mentor) demon to a younger one. In this particular letter the elder demon is scolding the younger one of doing things that would inadvertantly awaken the human prey that the younger demon has been assigned to. … This is what I mean by what I said earlier. I find myself often not doing God’s will until something challenges me or awakens me and in that moment I will do what I should have always done every day. But this “problem” with me is the result of my own disobedience as well. Because I do believe that if I lived the life that God has called me to that I would be in a lot more situations that would seem perilous to me or require me to rely on ‘Him’. I could say much more about this but I am sure you already get my point.

“Each painful, awful ordeal brought him to his knees, turning him into a deeper man of grace, humbly committed to following his Savior’s lead. What have you “suffered for the name of Christ?

Yep, that’s the question that I ask myself often. What today (or even this week) have I suffered for the name of Christ?

Letting Scripture Interpret itself

From time to time I hear someone tell me that the bible is up for interpretation. What they refer to as the bible is something that I more literally refer to as scripture. I do this because I think that it is important to let the scriptures interpret themselves. Very similarly to the way a specialist takes an unknown language and then begins to compare the symbols with each other until he eventually find meaning in the previously unknown symbols.

I wonder what target he 'is' gonna hit?

Someone more familiar with this idea than myself listed this idea in these terms –> The text of Scripture must be interpreted by historical exegesis, taking an account of its literary forms and devices, letting Scripture interpret Scripture and not relying on the knowledge of man. The reason we should let the Scripture interpret itself is because the bible always tells the truth concerning everything it talks about, but man continually makes errors. If man interprets the bible then the interpretation is open to error, but if the bible interprets the bible, it will always be completely true. This is why the exegesis of passages is important, so that we know what the scripture is actually saying, contrary to what we think it is saying.

It’s usually the people that have something they don’t want to give up that like to adopt the idea that the scripture is up to interpretation. Of course if they ever accept the idea of letting the scriptures interpret themselves then they’ll probably resort to some other form of poking holes in the idea. They would rather do that than think that they themselves are not living up to a mark that the believe is true. “The mark” obviously has to change, because they certainly are not going to change :-)

Angels (in the scriptures)

Just wrote this article today because I was encourage by a thought that God gave me when my fiance’ made a comment about me being “an angel”. Although I knew she was using a “figure of speech” the comment reminded me of a very encouraging idea that is spoken about in the scriptures.

 

“Are they not all ministering spirits, sent out to render service for the sake of those who will inherit salvation?” Heb 1:14 … And in the context of that scripture in Heb 1:14 I also starting looking at the ‘other things’ that angels are listed as in the scriptures.

 

My friend Daniel started teaching me about the Greek words that represented “angel” a few months ago. And I’ve always wanted to visit this topic again since then. I was able to find the following information in a couple of good references. My references by the way are an article at Belief.net and another article at Catholic.org .

 

What are angels? An angel is a pure spirit created by God. The Old Testament theology included the belief in angels: the name applied to certain spiritual beings or intelligences of heavenly residence, employed by God as the ministers of His will. The English word “angel” comes from the Greek angelos, which means ‘messenger’. In the Old Testament, with two exceptions, the Hebrew word for “angel” is malak, also meaning ‘messenger’. The prophet Malachi took his name from this word. He was himself a messenger, and he prophesied about the coming of “the messenger of the covenant”, Jesus Christ (Malachi 3:1).

Although the word “angel” in the Bible, meaning a messenger, nearly always applies to heavenly beings, it can occasionally apply to human messengers. Malachi himself said a priest was a messenger (malak) of the LORD of hosts (Malachi 2:7), and in the Book of Revelation the elders of the seven churches of Asia were called angels (1:20; 2:1 etc.). But when we meet messengers doing supernatural things, there is no doubt they are heavenly beings – God’s messengers, working for Him and for the ultimate benefit of mankind.

And by the way it was this article that got me going on this research in the first place. All of this was very encouraging to think that such amazing creatures, so intimate in their workings with God, have been sent to be spirits that “minister” to us that have been selected to inherit salvation.

It’s Good to Ask

It is good that our family is going through things that require us to ask for help. “Assuredly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it.” – Luke 18:17 … Think about it for a moment. Have you ever seen a child that had difficulty asking for help because of their pride and their desire to be self sufficient.

I was originally looking up something else in connection with pride when I found a blog entry about becoming like children. And then I believe that the Unique Person of God (the Holy Spirit) began to teach me as I was reading that scripture above in the context of pride. And I started to think how much I really need to set aside my pride and become more like a little child in so many more ways.

I should start getting to know the children that God has placed in my life and looking at them more. I should start learning from the way that God has made the ones that are closest to me before they lose too much of their innocence. And hopefully before that happens God will have given my wife and I another child that is old enough that I can learn from. Well actually wife to be, just nine more days to marriage.

Overheated

It was running just a little hot :-)

There are so many things that are happening that are pressing the faith that God has given me. First of all I wasn’t planning on getting married so soon, but we both know that God had other things in mind. Before I had plans on getting married I had looked at the money that God had given me and thought to myself “ah ok. If I live frugally it looks like I will have enough money here to live in the Philippines for six months before I really must look for a job. And I already think that God is leading me to start looking for work much sooner than that, maybe a month or two, so it will be quite easy to do this.”

But then God put the burden on my heart to get married much sooner according to His timing. So I had to spend a little over half of what I had saved up to buy the ring and pay for what I thought was going to be half of the wedding (but it keeps getting bigger). But I thought to myself, “Well that still leaves me 3 months of provision and I still have my last paycheck and my tax refund that is left. And I also have two hundred in the U.S. that I can send a check to Malu so she can deposit in her dollar account.”. But then this hope of provision has also gone away, at least temporarily, because of the fraud that has been occurring on my accounts.

And then lastly I had been thinking; “Ok, maybe instead of directly through me, God will be providing for the remainder of our needs for the wedding through the Honda that will be sold”. But then this overheating thing happened today where the water cap must have been placed back on the radiator too loosely and I did not look at the temperature gauge as I should have. So for almost an hour my faith was shaken and I was struggling to keep my desire and hopes upward. It was shaken I believe because I had, once again, been putting my faith in what I could see instead of what I could not see. God has taught me that it is foolish to trust in myself (man). As one scripture puts it “It is better to take refuge in the LORD Than to trust in princes.” PS 118:9 . And another one that says “Woe to those who … trust in chariots because they are many and in horsemen because they are very strong, But they do not look to the Holy One of Israel, nor seek the LORD!” ISAIH 31:1

However as I fought inwardly through this I kept my eyes and my desires “looking up”. And though it was a struggle to keep my eyes and my desires looking up, I kept them that way because I knew that was the only real hope that I could have. And as I prayed to God my “heart thoughts” turned to things like “What is God’s will here, what is God doing? What can I do to understand what God’s plan is here.”. And over the next hour I would slowly begin to realize that this was actually an answer to my prayer. I have been praying over and over again that God would help us to see that the most valuable part of what He has given me and the family that will soon be mine is the FAITH in Him and his provision. “In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials,so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ;” I Pe 1:6-7

So I started to feel better. And I knew though it was all so difficult, that everyone still had food and clothing. And even though it would make me feel sad I would still have that joy 2Cor 6:10 in knowing what God has promised is more than anything, even a wedding, that I might get in this world. It was only the provision of food and clothing that God had promised. And that not even my wedding is something that He had promised beyond the provision of those. However I still think that He would see to it that this wedding is beautiful because our desire is, this time, to honor Him in this wedding and not ourselves. We hope to point to all good things coming from Him. Without just assuming this, like so many people like to use as an excuse not to recognize God in everything.

Lastly, just a few minutes ago. I found out that the car was ok. Malu’s brother tried the car and it cranked just fine and he said the engine was not any worse than it was before. I was concerned because I had tried the car one time before and it had trouble cranking at that time. However the car must have cut off before there was any real damage that was done. I was going very slowly at the time, and when I noticed the gauge was in the red I stopped the car by placing my foot on the brakes. But when I stopped the car with the brakes, the car then stalled on it’s own and the engine halted. So it’s good that it must have just got in the red for a very short time. And once again, as God would have it, I had stopped right in front of a home where a woman was outside already. And she was able to help me by fetching a pale of water that I placed in the radiator after the engine had cooled a little.

An Email from my WTB

Just thought I would share one of the emails that my WTB (Wife-to-Be) just sent me. Just another reminder of who God has chosen for me :-)

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Hi HTB,

Thought I would share this bible study with you.  It reminded me of the verse that we were talking about last Sat. after we came from Quiapo – when the parking attendant took advantage of us.

Today, I have decided to keep praise & worship songs and bible study lessons going continuously in an effort to be sensitive to God’s voice, hear Him more, and start living as God wants me to.  I was affected by one of the discussion questions in the devotional I was reading: “Imagine for a moment, Jesus would replace your life with His life for one day, with His heart’s desire; He would go through your one day routine – wake up on your bed, drive your car or commute through road traffic, talk to your peers, pay your bills, etc. – would people around you see a radical difference in you? Or would there be no difference from what you’ve been doing on a regular day because, Jesus already lives in your heart always?”

Malu

Playing with my Cell Phone

I’m sitting here “playing with my cell phone” for the last fifteen minutes when I was supposed to be sitting down to write down what was on my heart and what was on my mind. I have so much to do and right now is no exception. But despite everything that I “have to do” I know that God is not blind to what I think that I “need” to get done. An arrogant race of men is what we are. We prove ourselves arrogant as what we actually spend our time on defines for us what is actually the most important to us.

We can say over and over again that God is the most important thing in our lives but what do we speak about the most, what do we write about the most, what do we give to the most in our mind’s time. It is so easy to get lost in what ‘we’ think is important to do. And then fall into the prowling lion’s trap of trying to define what we think is important to God. That is to say that we try to do what we think is important and then later attempt to shape that which is important to us into something that is “important” to God.

Here is the truth. There is no way to find out what is important to God unless we talk to God and ask him. Or if we are having trouble “hearing” that gentle voice (1 Kings 19:11-13), then reading the scriptures are useful for teaching us what God wants, how we should live. I keep on saying “we” but of course I am thinking primarily about me this morning. But I also hope that others will benefit from the things that I am struggling with this morning.

Legal Drugs

Thanks so much for your last article. I for one don’t think that you are “a fundamentalist” or out of your mind in any way regarding your view on “legal drugs”. I in fact might be a little more “fundamentalist” than you are regarding my views on legal drugs. My view is that we don’t “need” any of them. Even the drugs used for stabilizing chemical imbalances.

Notice of course that I’m putting several things in quotes. I’m doing that because each of these things need to be further defined in the context that I am using them. First of all lets take “fundamentalism”. That is a word, in this context, that I believe is used by people that need a box to put others in to dismiss whatever it is that is being stated. They use this box because they are typical unable to or unwilling to truly describe what it is they believe about a particular topic. These are the same people that often (but not always) say people are too wordy or too verbose when others actually take the time to write out most of what they really believe on a topic.

Next is the phrase “legal drugs”. These are drugs that believers realize change them in such a way as to take away their sobriety and make it difficult for them to be “clear minded and alert”. However those that are either unbelievers or are “tossed back and forth by every waive of teaching by deceitful men” are deceived by these false teachings. They in turn believe the physical/psychological benefits are of greater benefit than the teachings of scriptures that teach them to stay away from anything that would impair their judgment and the clarity of mind that God gave them.

Lastly I have the word “need”. Need is something that I define only the way the scripture defines need. We need only the basic necessities of life. And basic necessities in life are only covered as food, clothing, the need to stay warm, and I’ll possibly add the need to have your thirst quenched which is someone redundant considering the first one. You’ll notice that I didn’t even mention basic housing. That’s because “basic housing” is not listed as a “need” in the scriptures either. I could write several paragraphs about that last observation but that will be for another time.

“Needing” any kind of drug is not necessary. I believe that God has shown a purpose or reason in every kind of mental issue in the scriptures. One involved Nebuchadnezzar, another involved a demon possessed man, and I am sure there are others that I simply don’t have the time to look up at the moment. In any case I am convinced that God has a definite purpose in allowing, or bringing into play things that would cause others to act and feel a way that society would say is not “in their right mind”.

But before I am placed too far on the “left side” I would also add that I do not disregard the scripture that says Timothy should take a little wine for his stomach. Without this scripture, and the fact that Luke was a doctor, there would be no way believers could realize the truth that there is a time for us to take medicine. When is this time? Well the scriptures say in Rom 14:23 that “whatever is not from faith is sin.”. So as usual we can’t be legalistic here and come up with a blanket list of dos and do-nots for everyone. We can only encourage those that have truly laid their lives down due to the life that was laid down for them. Because if they realize how grave in importance is the ransom that was given for them then they would not trade a hundred promises from a hundred physicians in this world for one slight whisper lead by the Spirit.

Applicable to Some Big Churches (but not all)

Went to “The Church of the Word” tonight (not the actual name of the place) and it seems that they have been infected with the “It’s about me” teachings.  … “Let’s thank God for the wonderful blessings that he’s given us.”; “Lets pray that nothing will get in the way of the blessings that God has planned for us.”; “I pray that God will blow a breath of healing on you.”. This is just one more example of the kind of poisonous teachings that are coming. It’s time for those that have listened to everything that Christ has taught to spend ourselves on the one who has already given us so much, we don’t need anymore.

It’s not that there is anything wrong with these prayers. It’s simply the context that these prayers are prayed and the point that these sentiments express eighty to ninety percent of what is being taught. Of course this sort of teaching “God wants everything that you want” is going to attract hundreds of thousands of people. Hundred of thousands of spoiled people that think God is simply going to take the place of their parents who gave them everything that they wanted when they were younger.

But it’s the ‘full’ teachings of the scriptures that we need to be looking for. Especially when we look at the way the Christ taught. Look at them all, read them, research them, saturate yourself in them. Jesus taught things that turned the crowds away at time. Pay careful attention to the things that Jesus taught that turned the crowds away and examine yourself to see if these things also turn you away or if you want to gloss over them without fully diving into them. And if you find yourself falling into the “I’ll just come back to that later” heart sickness, then you need to turn to the only one that can correct that problem in you.

And I don’t write as one that doesn’t ever have that problem. My wife-to-be just asked me a couple of days ago why I wasn’t praying as much as I used to. I think God for her desire to speak that to me. My point regarding the first two paragraphs is; we don’t need to be eased of our financial burdens. We instead need to give up the things that are beyond food & clothing. We need to give up the houses and the cars & build our Nippa Huts again. We need to learn to walk again. Sometimes God gives us more than food and clothing. When he gives us more than that, it is often (if not everytime) a test to see how we will use it. Do we use our excess because we thingk that God wants to “spoil us” or do we see how in the scriptures that ‘all’ excess was used to provided for the food and clothing needs of others.

We will know where are hearts are because we will be willing to suffer or sacrifice for it. Are you suffering and sacrificing for your education, for your ‘big house’. Are you suffering or sacrificing for someone the education or big house of someone else? Or instead are you suffering and sacrificing to see that the food and clothing needs of others are being met, not just for the sake of them being met but because you know what Christ did for you. And you give to the food and clothing needs of others because of what you recognize Christ did for you. This is what “In His Name” means. Anything that you do in full recognition of Christ. Much more I could write about that. But of course I’m getting married in less than thirty three hours and there is still so much to do :-)

Set Free To Follow Christ (by Clay Brown)

Set Free To Follow Christ:
Freedom from Pornography
by Clay Brown

I’m writing this, not as one who has finished the journey to freedom over sin, but as a man who faces trials and failures every day of his life. I’ve learned a great many things since I have faced my sexual addiction. Perhaps the most difficult lesson has been learning to deal with my failures. I don’t consider the issue of sexual addiction one I can turn my back on. I feel like a character from a western novel who never sits with his back to the saloon doors. My victory over this ugly sin has spanned mere months. When those months turn to years I may develop a different view.

I’ve traveled such a long way since coming to First Stone Ministries for help. It’s not just sexual issues that have been overcome since that day nearly two years ago. My walk with God was shallow and unimpressive. Days – no, weeks – would go by before I’d have any real spiritual time with my Savior. I was coasting and I couldn’t see the increasing distance between myself and God. How often we fall to the subtlety of Satan rather than to his bully tactics. “Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.” (I Peter 5: 8-9). Have you ever watched a lion on the hunt. The unsuspecting victim is busy filling its stomach with leaves or grass. Too engrossed to stop what he’s doing to notice the tale-tell signs of approaching danger, he will pay the price. How does the lion attack? Does he roar and charge head on from two miles away? I’m learning more and more to see those fields of tall, luring grass that lie off from the path I must walk. For if I stray from the my path I risk being devoured by the lion as he lies silently beneath the grass, waiting.

Like so many others, I was a child when the seed of sexual addiction was planted within me. My father loved me very much, but his own addictions led him to introduce me to pornography and masturbation. Once the seed of corruption was planted Satan nurtured and watered it through the worlds system. When I became a young man I left home and joined the Marine Corps. I was stationed for four years in Southern California. Drug dealers, strip bars, peep shows and hookers littered the streets outside of Camp Pendleton. My time and money went towards staying high and feeding my sexual addiction. I couldn’t identify my sexual perversion as a problem. You see, the world may give lip service to drug abuse, but no such concern is directed to ungodly sexual behavior. Since I didn’t have God to guide and advise me I was left to seek happiness as the world advertises it. Looking to the world for moral guidelines is like going to a dermatologist who thinks band-aids are a cure for leprosy.

Pornography’s hold on me grew stronger as I grew older. The effect this had on my sexual life was always obvious to me, even when I was unable to see it through the eyes of the Holy Spirit. One effect it had on me that I was unable to see until I was well on my way to recovery was my inability to be intimate with others. Godly sex is an extension of the intimacy between a husband and wife. Worldly sex is a perverse, destructive form of self-gratification. I remember sitting in Stephen Black’s office one evening when he said something that opened my eyes. He told me that whenever we sin sexually we’re hurting our very souls. I Corinthians 6:18 says, “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.” The way we treat others is a mere reflection of how we feel about ourselves. When we allow sexual sin to pollute us we’re damaging our image of ourselves to the point where we may loose sight of who and what we are in God’s world. If we aren’t able to see ourselves as God does then we can not react to others in a true spirit of love.

You would have thought that when I asked Jesus Christ to come into my life I would have instantly been cleansed from all my sins. Actually, in one sense this did occur. “And this is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.” (I Corinthians 6:11). We are instantly washed by the blood of Christ at the moment of faith. Being transformed into the image of Jesus on earth (sanctified), however, is a gradual process. I used to daydream that God would appear in the midst of my troubles and shoot me with His “Acme Holiness Ray-gun”. I now see God’s wisdom more clearly than I did in those days of Warner Brothers cartoon fantasies. The painstaking method of sanctification has added strength to my walk with God that quick fixes could never have accomplished.

There is nothing as important in recovering from sexual addiction than our walk with god. Yet so many sincere Christians are trapped in this habitual sin. “Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each others burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:1-2)

God never intended us to be spiritual islands. Yet one of the destructive elements of this sin is that it isolates us emotionally. Before anyone can climb out of the pit of sexual sin they must reach up and grab the hand of another. I believe one of the greatest holes to be filled in the body of Christ is the shortage of laborers in the ministry of sexual recovery.

Brokenness is a prerequisite to spiritual victory. Taking the time to find First Stone Ministries, and keeping that first appointment with Stephen Black, was an extension of my brokenness. I had lost my wife, I was afraid of passing my sin to the next generation, and I felt a million miles from God. But once I made that first contact I was on the road to sexual freedom. God will deliver each and everyone of us from the sin that entangles us, but we must keep our end of the bargain. I’m reminded of the story of the slow-witted farmer who purchased a chain-saw. “This beauty’s guaranteed to cut down 40 trees a day”, the salesman boasted, “or we’ll give ya’ your money back.” “I’ll take it”, he replied. And moments later he was driving home with his new purchase. One week later, however, he was back in the store. “This thing don’t work”, he complained, “I’ve been workin’ my tail off and I ain’t able ta’ bring down more than five trees a day.” The salesman frowned at the saw. Then he took it and pulled the starter cord. Hearing the chain saw roar to life, the farmer jumped back in shock and exclaimed, “What’s that!” How often do we fail to use the power of God in our lives. I now realize, several years into my journey to sexual freedom, that my relationship with God ultimately enabled me to overcome my habitual sin. That may sound too easy to some, but like the slow-witted farmer we tend to get it wrong nevertheless.

Prayer, reading the scriptures of God and scripture memory have been the key disciplines to my building a powerful relationship with God. Freedom didn’t occur over night. The times I fell back into my sin were too numerous to count. Yet each time I did fall I got back up and turned to God. Continuing in God means not giving up. It means really wanting to put God first and the world behind us. “When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him,`Do you want to get well?’” (John 5:6) I never realized it until after the facts, but I didn’t have complete freedom over sexual sin until I truly wanted it. How often do we hear someone say they’d do anything to be free of a particular sin? But are they willing to put God first and the world behind them? Like so many things in life the answer to our problem is easy to understand but hard to practice. That’s because choices are made on 10% knowledge and 90% determination. Just as intellectual acceptance differs from true faith, true freedom over sin is a world away from lip service to the same.

I will never be the same since that moment I walked into First Stone Ministries like a wounded puppy, ready to face my sin. It wasn’t until I was well into my journey that I began to mature in my walk and experience victory. This journey will never end until Christ returns, and I’m glad for it. There are more meaningful endeavors than returning to the Egypt of our lives. That’s right, I don’t plan on bowing to Pharaoh ever again. I want to be where the presence of God shines, even if it means 40 years in the wilderness.

There is a tale about Abraham Lincoln before the Civil War. He happened upon a slave auction and noticed from the crowd the object of the next sale. A beautiful young black woman stood on the auctioneer’s stage. The bidding started and the men in the crowd began raising the price one after another as they appraised her with cruel stares. But with each bid Abraham Lincoln would raise it one dollar higher. As this continued the young slave girl eyed the tall awkward man with a look of suspicion and fear. Finally the last bid was made, and it fell to young Lincoln. Lincoln paid the auctioneer and the slave girl was brought to him. “Remove her chains”, he ordered her former captor. The girl rubbed her wrists and glared at her new master with uncertainty. “What ya’ goin’ ta’ do wit’ me now”, she asked. “Why, I’m going to sit you free miss”, he answered. “Free? What you mean, free?” “I mean you are a free person. You are no longer a slave.” Ya’ mean I can do whatever I want?” she exclaimed. Ya’ mean I can go anywhere I want?” Abraham Lincoln just smiled and nodded his head. “Then I want to be wit’ you!” she shouted. He looked down at her, puzzled. “You can go anywhere. Why would you want to follow me?” “Cause I wanna be wit’ the one who set me free.” When God set me free from sexual sin it was more than just a case of my overcoming a stronghold in my life. It was a renewal in my walk with God. It is the realization in my heart that I want to follow the one who has set me free.

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Updated: 13 July 2002