Some thoughts on Self-Esteem

… article by Terri Liske

The first thing that I have noticed and that I do so much of the time is use words and concepts rather loosely (that is, without knowing what they really mean). Now, a dictionary definition isn’t necessarily the “final say” on what a word means, but I needed to start somewhere outside of Scripture for the purpose of this: when we use words these days, we rarely use them according to Scripture (especially if there is no specific reference to the word…like “self-esteem”….in the Bible), but according to what they supposedly mean “in the world.” This may be my first mistake, or maybe misunderstanding about what you perceive self-esteem to be, so correct me from the start if so. But anyway, I looked up “self-esteem” in the dictionary and found this:

A realistic respect for or a favorable impression of oneself. From this I also looked up:

Esteem: to regard highly or favorably, with respect.
Respect: sense of worth or excellence of a person.

Now I also have to say that I have caught glimpses of the fact that there is indeed a “worldly” realm (that which Christians no longer belong to) and there is a supernatural realm (into which Christians are born after having entered into the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ and in which they are sanctified)…not that these two don’t overlap…why else, for example, would there be so many warnings from Paul about getting caught back up into the ways of the world (e.g., Colossians 2:20) or in James when it admits Christians can still be “dragged away and enticed” (by something that exists in themselves- James 1:14). I have to say this because likewise there is an “old creature” (pre-salvation) who is part of the world, whose father is the devil (John 8:44), and who is quite literally a slave to sin (Romans 6:17) and a “new creature” who has been set free from sin (Romans 6:18), who no longer belongs to the world (John 15:19), and who is being transformed into the image of God (2 Corinthians 3:18). Having said all of that, and taking into consideration the definition that I understand to be the definition of self-esteem…there is not only no real justification for the old creature (or the world) to be able to use it, but there is also no place for it in the workings and perspective of who the new creature is and is becoming. And of course I’ll explain!

Self-esteem as “regarding the self highly or favorably”

In terms of the old creature…in Scripture we are told that the old creature really has nothing favorable about itself (except in its own eyes of course). Scripture says essentially the following about the old creature (this term is of course interchangeable with “sinful nature,” “earthly nature,” “old self”):

• All our righteous acts are like filthy rags (Isaiah 64:6).

• “Out of men’s hearts come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly” (Mark 7:21-22).

• The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? (Jeremiah 17:9)

• (We) are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked (Revelation 3:17).
• “What a wretched man I am!” (Paul in Romans 7:24).

• The acts of the sinful nature: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkeness, orgies and the like (Galatians 5:19-21) and…
• Put to death whatever belongs to your earthly nature (also referred to later in the same passage as the “old self”): sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry (Colossians 3:5).

Wow, we’re really a ball of yuck in who we are without Christ! Now of course unfortunately those who haven’t come to know him don’t see all of this but are actually encouraged by society, etc. to run after self-esteem, and to do things that will build it up (appearance-wise, status-wise, even through the subtle technique of doing things for others, which should make you “feel good” about yourself). It’s sad because really what it’s encouraging is the building up of a creature that is filled with yucky things (seems like something that needs to be torn down, if you will, not built up!). But that’s just part of the “worldly realm” and actually something that I think Satan loves to encourage because what he gets out of it is that it gets us to place the focus on ourSELVES instead of on God (a natural tendency we have anyway).

For those who have been called by God and who have been set apart, the old self and its ways are still battling with what has been reborn as the “new creature.” I believe this is portrayed in the struggle revealed by Paul in Romans 7:14-25. I think it is also apparent in Galatians 5:16-25, in which Paul warns the Galatians (who have received the Holy Spirit already) not to indulge the sinful nature [5:13], and guides them by stating the stark difference between and opposition of the old sinful nature and the Spirit that has been poured into a Christian’s heart [4:6-7]. IF self-esteem means regarding the old self as favorable or noting its worth, that runs entirely contrary to what needs to happen to the old self (so that one can live by the Spirit)…that is that it be crucified with Christ (Galatians 2:20, 5:24) and not built up or given “kudos” to feed itself on. Now I do agree with that, whether the old or new self, one should not condemn or judge one’s self…BUT that is different from saying that one has the right and should build one’s self up (good self-esteem), especially if it’s the old self.

Now in terms of the new self (that which is “born again” of water and the Spirit- John 3:5), I also see no place for “self-esteem” of the new self, given the definition I’m using of self-esteem. First, the new self was born in us by God (“…made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions…” Ephesians 2:5) through faith in Jesus Christ. Now one could use the fact that one has faith in Christ and “is a Christian” to build up self-esteem…self-esteem about having a new self. But this way of perceiving it would ironically be something coming from the old self (I suppose in Pride) or Satan, since it states clearly in Scripture: “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God –not by works, so that no one can boast” (Ephesians 2:8-9). So the new self (without interference from the old nature) if anything would be eternally (literally) grateful to God who saved such a wretched one as he/she was (not feeling good about itself for having faith, since it was a gift and not earned).

And what about regarding one’s (new) self favorably because of the things it does as a result of the indwelling Spirit? Could that be used to build itself up or enable it to feel good about its self? That also is flatly contradicted in Scripture in Luke when Jesus tells the parable of the unworthy servant (referring to the apostles): he finishes it by saying, “So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, ‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty’” (Luke 17:10). Once again, this seems to say that if there is a focus on the good of the self because of what it does in the service of the Lord, there is something wrong (not right).

Another example that came to mind while I was jotting down notes was something I read in a small (but remarkable) publication by a woman named Ellen G. White called “Steps To Christ.” It really seems to relate somewhat to the whole issue of building up self-esteem. She writes (man, I didn’t even recall she actually uses the word “esteem” until I opened it up to quote it here!):

The closer you come to Jesus, the more faulty you will appear in your own eyes; for your vision will be clearer, and your imperfections will be seen in broad and distinct contrast to His perfect nature. This is evidence that Satan’s delusions have lost their power; that the vivifying influence of the Spirit of God is arousing you.

No deep-seated love for Jesus can dwell in the heart that does not realize its own sinfulness. The soul that is transformed by the grace of Christ will admire His divine character; but if we do not see our own moral deformity, it is unmistakable evidence that we have not had a view of the beauty and excellence of Christ.

The less we see to esteem in ourselves, the more we shall see to esteem in the infinite purity and loveliness of our Saviour. A view of our sinfulness drives us to Him who can pardon; and when the soul, realizing its helplessness, reaches out after Christ, He will reveal Himself in power. The more our sense of need drives us to Him and to the word of God, the more exalted views we shall have of His character, and the more fully we shall reflect His image. (“Steps To Christ” p. 65)

A major point here is the matter of focus…if we our looking for or discussing things to esteem in ourselves, then somehow we are missing the mark by not focusing on the vast ocean of things there are to esteem in Christ.

Another point that came up is Jesus’ loving call to those who wish to be his disciples:

“If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it” (Matthew 6:24-25, Mark 8:34-35, Luke 9:23-24).

To me, the call to deny the self runs contrary to focusing on the self and the esteem it should have or be given. Now once again I want to emphasize that I DON’T think this means depriving one’s self of good things (that are willed by God) or speaking lowly of oneself (i.e., what is referred to as “low self-esteem”)…I think it means what it says…to deny one’s self…or in another place, to lay one’s life (self) down (John 15:13), or in another place, for the self to “become less” so that “He (must) become(s) greater” (said by John the Baptist, John 3:30).

So taking all of this into consideration, to me self-esteem is actually a dangerous thing since it:

• Deceives the old self into perhaps believing that there is something favorable about it (and maybe provides an obstacle to its seeing its need for Christ).
• Tempts the new self by saying that somehow it is “good” (or should find a way to regard itself favorably) when actually it would (or should) say that only God is good (Mark 10:18) and that if there is goodness in it, it comes directly from the Spirit of God and therefore is nothing to boast about or give credit to itself for.

• And overall, encourages a focus on the self which has been a central problem since Sin entered into the world and actually provided the opening through which it initially entered…it made Adam and Eve realize they were naked and thus hide from God (Genesis 3:8-11), I believe it contributed to Satan trying to overthrow the throne of God (he wanted himSELF to be over all), and, without Christ working in us, it makes us more and more self-centered, self-confident (instead of depending on God), self-sufficient (instead of seeing our need for God), and selfish (apart from actually being freed from this self-focus by Christ, I’ll bet you that even when we try to focus on God or on others there is still somehow a selfish element in it. I know we’re not perfect, but it does say that we are to become perfect…and that includes perfect SELF-LESSness). To me, the whole concept and practice of self-esteem contributes to SELF-MOREness and keeps the focus where it should not and was not meant to be.

Self-esteem as “regarding the self with respect: sense of worth or excellence”

Yet another dictionary definition of self-esteem (I wanted to try to be as open and explorative as I could about all of this).

I can sorta kinda agree with the notion of regarding the self with respect, if “respect” means sense of worth. I guess we must be worth something if God purchased us at the price of His Son’s blood. But what I don’t think is that this “worth” is somehow inherent to who we are (we were sinners/dead in our transgressions when he died for us…Romans 5:8, Ephesians 2:5). As it also affirms in both of these passages:

• “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8).
• “But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions…” (Ephesians 2:4-5).

Essentially, we are worth something because God loves us. Or, another way of saying it I suppose, is that it is His love that gives us worth. It doesn’t come from ourselves and we shouldn’t look for things in ourselves to make it seem that way (another way I see the practice of building up or encouraging self-esteem…that is, to find worth in one’s self in and of itself).

I am not out to “prove something” (I hope), but, as precisely as I am able, to search out answers about this concept and how it does (or doesn’t) fit into Scripture and in one’s relationship to and with the Father and being a “new creature” in Christ. If it has been the least bit clear, I hope that you can see why I am “uncomfortable” with it (it has helped me to see a little clearer why I feel uncomfortable with it) and that to me it (self-esteem) seems a very precarious thing to see as positive.

I definitely took time to also look at the passages you mentioned in your last email. Again, these are my impressions and I don’t know (because we haven’t talked about it yet) how you are placing these in the context of self-esteem, so my impressions are definitely one-sided right now. But, as long as I’m typing (!), I’ll note them anyway:

• 1 John 3:19-20: I’m not quite sure how this relates to self-esteem apart possibly from it alluding to the fact that we should not condemn ourselves since only God is Master of and knows our hearts perfectly (but if anything that would maybe illustrate low self-esteem, but not encourage building up self-esteem). But I think the overall point is the whole theme about actually laying down the self instead of being concerned with whether it is “good” or “bad” (just before it states: “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.” – 1 John 3:16).
• Romans: 8:28-39: I pick up that we were predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son (but that’s his gift to us and not anything good about the self), that God is for us and that He did not even spare his own Son (again, a gracious gift and the love and mercy of God toward our selves, not something good to use to regard ourselves favorably), and essentially that no one can bring a charge against us or condemn us. Again, unclear how this illustrates self-esteem (as I understand it to be defined).
• Isaiah 66:2: This definitely shows who God esteems (regards highly or favorably)…the one who is humble and contrite in spirit. But just within the passage itself, self-esteem is alluded to as UNfavorable since one who is humble and contrite (regarded favorably by God) would most likely be, as Ellen White noted above, seeing his imperfections more clearly by the light of the perfect and divine character of Christ. Surely one could desire to have God-esteem (regarding God highly and favorably), but not self-esteem .
• Philippians 4:1 (and context): I’m not sure I see self-esteem in this either. Some of what I do read (going back to 3:7-9) actually seems to oppose the idea of self-esteem. For example what Paul says: “But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ – the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith.” This does not sound like a man who is concerned with finding good in himself, in his actions, or in his anything! Also referred to in Philippians 2:6-7 is the self-humbling of Christ himself, which also seems to run contrary to self-esteem: “Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.”

Just because I wrote all this out (I actually had to, I am finding that when I am troubled by a concept, I need to know why, and, hopefully, God is providing me with the answer. As you know I was already having problems with the concept of self-esteem even before you mentioned it in your last email) doesn’t mean I don’t want to discuss it more. I would actually be interested in attending the women’s Bible study on that to see what other folks say about it or how they see it. I would definitely also be interested to hear more just from you on it. I am actually not the type to get caught up in proving doctrinal correctness or the like…but I do get “wiggly” (uncomfortable) when I hear certain concepts that resemble how the world sees things and not how things are supposed to operate in the Kingdom of God- yet being talked about as if they were o.k. To me, having or encouraging self-esteem (again, as I understand its definition) is not o.k. and I would certainly understand if that makes you feel uncomfortable about either talking with me about it more, or having me possibly come to the Bible studies…I hope not on either. Because in the end what’s going to count is having known and walked with Christ (or not) and not whether a particular concept was presented falsely or accurately. However, whether a concept is presented correctly can either be used as an instrument or be an obstacle to someone coming to know the Savior, or impact (I believe) how closely one comes to walk with him along the way to Paradise.

Love, Terri