It Only Cost me a Dollar

** 20070322, Thursday 9:31am **

Well, just for the sake of remembering something I considered important, I wanted to write down what happened to me about an hour ago. I had this idea to get a taste of coffee before I went into the public library about an hour ago. So I first went inside the library and asked if they allowed spill proof cups. Well the woman at the front desk said no food or drink. However I still had the desire to go over to the gas station and refill my coffee mug.

On my way there (just 1/2 a block), there was a guy on the other side of the moderately busy four lane road. He looked my way as I looked his way, so I said “Good morning, how are you?”. He responded that he was fine but paused for a second after he had said so to add “I could use eighty cents.”. I thought about it for a moment, just long enough for me to remember the scripture that spoke of providing for those that would ask.

In the past I would have paused even longer, and struggled with the thought that most people asking for money are only going to use it to get something for themselves that they don’t need to be having. But I was determined to fight that part of me that would be so quick to hold back and so quick to make that judgement. And as I sorted through my waist bag looking for what change I had, I saw that I only had quarters and so I had to make the decision to give him seventy five cents or to give him a dollar.

Again I was tempted with that old line of thought of how most people asking for money are just going to use it to get something that they shouldn’t be getting any how. But instead I decided to hold on to the thought that Jesus would want me to give to those that ask of me. “You can’t just give to people that ask from you, especially people on the streets.” I hear the judgemental voices of others say. “It’s not being judgemental.” I hear “It’s simply being wise.” I hear the old voices say. I’ve heard the voice of the Lord (what Jesus taught) enough times now to know that the latter voices are definetely ‘not’ according to how Jesus lived and taught by example. And the voice of the Lord would have me ‘give’ according to the Spirit. To ‘obey’ and leave the consequences to HIM. So I obeyed, and though I was tempted also to only give seventy five cents, I decided to give the full dollar to the guy.

Although my normal way of going about this would have been to ask him what he was going to use the money for ‘before’ I handed it to him, I decided that I would lean on the side of trusting God and give that subtle little extra effort of trust which had me hand the dollar over to the man and then ask him only with casual interest “So what are you going to use it for?”.”I need it to buy some cigarettes.” The man replied. And I started to walk off in an effort to stay away from the temptation to second guess my decision to freely give to the man. “My mother always told me a child of God doesn’t have to say anythng.” He said. “Well I hope so.” I replied, still walking away from him. Though I stopped walking away from him as he repeated himself to give emphasis to what he said. “My mother always told me that you could see it on a child of God and a child of God never had to say anything.”. “Well I wish that were always true.” I said. “I think that it’s sometimes true but not always.”.

During the next few minutes I was grateful for the opportunity I had been given to share a few things that God had done in my life. I started off somewhat reluctantly because I know that I’ve been a little over zealous over the last few months for the opportunity to share what I think God has done with me. Somehow thinking that the act itself of sharing my faith would “make me holy”. So I’ve been trying to keep my mouth shut a little more often these days. I want God to do something in me instead of me trying to do something in myself.

I found out the man’s name was Larry. He was very down about the way that life was going for him and didn’t think that I would be able to relate. I told him how I wished that I could snap my fingers and give everybody an understanding that the Lord had given me of how life wasn’t so bad, and how actually life was good. He said “Oh,” with an expression and a certain way which you knew he thought he was getting ready to say something I wouldn’t be able to dispute.And he continued “well what do you think about someone who is sleeping in their car?”.

He didn’t expect my response. “I’ve done that..” I said. “And I’ve done it more than once; even recently.”. I could tell by his expression that he wasn’t expecting the words that were coming from me. And so he knew that I wasn’t just saying something contrary to him I went into detail about how I had slept outside a little when I was seventeen years old (maybe eighteen) and I was homeless for about a month. And how I had laid my head down in a college library during the day time and stayed awake at night. And how even recently, a few months ago, I had had to sleep inside the car because of a situation I had been in. I didn’t have the chance, because of the way the conversation went, to share with him how I had to do this because the situation had to do with my mother and something I had to do to help my mother get out of a difficult situation that she (in many ways) had put herself into. And, in some ways I didn’t want to share that detail with him because I wanted him to know that I ‘could’ relate even though my details were a little bit different. However in regard to doing this for my mother I suppose she would never see things that way, but that’s another story.

I was very grateful for this opportunity the Lord gave me to know that He is there and He is always watching. Sure, I could look with blind eyes and say that any number of people could have said what this guy said without being prompted. Or I could try to explain away Larry’s observation that I was a “child of God” some other way. But I believe that it was from God and for God and all about God, and I really appreciated it. And Larry appreciated it alot as well. He said so as we had a few last words and then hugged each other in parting. I think that this interaction did a little more for me than it did for Larry, though I might be biased. It did both of us a lot of Good. And this whole encounter only cost me a dollar.