Grace and Babbling

Grace and Babbling
Friday Dec 14, 2007 // 0628amI stopped writing over a month ago, for the most part. I stopped writing because of my own arrogance. I started, a few months ago, changing from a purer motivation for writing, to a corrupt motivation for writing. I started writing with the idea of convincing other men or women (in my mind) to think as I would want them to. There is much more to say about that but I don’t seem to be able to find the words to express what I am wanting to say. All I know is that I have a desire in my heart that I want to scribe, but I can’t seem to get out the exact words.

Which brings me to my second point. Because I have stopped writing over a month ago, maybe two months, I have found it increasingly more difficult to express myself with words. I “feel like” I am speaking another language as I am trying to speak english. And what has come out of my mouth so often has been something that I just attempted to ‘push’ out of my mouth because I did not want to appear stupid or otherwise incapable of saying something of intellect. Now, what has come out of my mouth;I don’t know because I’m not the one that is listening to me, has probably been a mixture of stupidity or what has sounded like much babbling. But then perhaps that would only be if someone were actually listening to me and thought enough to actually consider what I was saying. Because I know that,so many people in general, have the habit of overlooking what someone says and simply moving on about there day.

I’m writing all of these things because my inability to express myself, I believe, has also bled over into my inability to express myself to God. And also my inability to express myself to people that I want to share my faith with. So, I believe I have been more and more inept at praying and sharing my faith. I want to be better able at both, however I don’t want to be motivated to do either just for the sake of being able to do them better, or for the sake of feeling better about myself. But rather I want to look to the cross, to understand the love that the Christ demonstrated every day as he walked among us in human form, ‘and’ to most of all remember the unearnable grace that was given to me. … If I was to bumble around and never do anything right again for the rest of my life, I would still recieve the grace that God has given me. The fact that I do everything I can motivated by the gift that was given to me, is in fact a sign that that grace has been truly given to me. Because, if on the contrary I had no desire to do better for the sake of Christ (not doing my dead level best), then I could be assured that I truly had ‘not’ received the grace that Christ gave. There can be no salvation without works though contrarily salvation is impossible to achieve by works.