Confession of Another Man

Confession of Another Man
Thursday May 11, 2008
0710am

Just got home and I’m not feeling like myself. I’m feeling like I’m somebody else and I’m not really me. I’m feeling, as odd as it might sound, like I’m a man that is in another part of the world, perhaps somewhere in the south, and I’m not a “normal” sort of person. That instead I’m a somewhat not normal person that doesn’t quite fit in with most other folks. I “feel like” I’m a man that doesn’t have anyone else, you know a man that is single longer than he is supposed to be. A single man without a family that spends his time doing everything he can to do what he believes is right, but in the process has lost much of his family and nearly anyone that would have been in friend.

I wish I could be like he was though. I gave up my life a long time ago to pursue what I wanted to pursue. I wanted a wife, and a family, and a job that I could rely on the provide for the family that I had started. I wish I could give all of this up to do what I have finally found was more important. … You see, I do believe in God now … and more than that I believe that he is the only sane reason for living. And I believe that Jesus Christ laid down his life for my sins. I wish I had made other decisions before, decisions to follow the God that perhaps I did know on some level before but did not want to accept because I knew that would get in the way of the things that I wanted.

If I had only trusted and believed that God would provide me with the things that would make me happy in this world, and more importantly in the next. If only I had not pursued my own happiness when I was younger, if I hadn’t pursued my own way, to pursue what I thought was right in my own eyes back then. … Is it too late now? Can I turn back the hands of time, and “give up” the wife and the family that I built to pursue what I wanted to ‘do’. … And if I don’t do that now, will I only look back thirty years from now, much “wiser” knowing that I should have given up my wife and family to live a life like the life that Jesus showed me I should live? And if I look back then, will I only have new reasons for not doing it then? … So if I don’t do it now will I ever do it? What guarantees do I have that I will live to see sixty and even be able to look back; perhaps today is the day to give up even my wife and family to pursue God’s will.

20080222 Application for Sup

Application for Sup

Friday Feb 22, 2008
07:46

Add this as an attached letter to my application:

Over fourteen months ago now I came to Telperformance because I believed it was “where I was supposed to be”. I’ve used that phrase quite a few times because we live in a culture that often treats, with a certain uneasiness, clear explanations of what God’s will is. And yes I know starting off like this (in an application for a position) is not something that many people might consider normal, or generally acceptable. However I hope whoever is reading this is different.

What I believe God wants me to do with my life is the most important part of each day; unless of course I am distracted by something (I am human of course). That belief is what carried me here to Teleperformance in the first place, over fourteen months ago, and what I believe makes me an excellent choice for a position as a supervisor. God’s will is why I chose the path that I chose, from Tier1 to Tier2, and from COT to Quality Assurance Specialist. Now I don’t hear voices so sometimes this idea of what I should do next isn’t as clear as it is with others. I find that is the case with my move to supervisor. Perhaps the reason for that lack of clarity has to do with some decisions that need to be made by other people, we all have free will of course.

If I am chosen for a position as supervisor I know I will do good job, I always do. In regard to my performance what can be said about me carries more weight than what I can say about myself. I believe the primary reason why I am a good choice for supervisor is that I genuinely care about the people that are around me, not just the people that I can benefit from, but everyone. As a QA I have spent time with the stronger members of my two teams to show how much I appreciate them, and I have spent time with the weaker members of the teams to show them that I believed in them. My caring however does not make me blind, I recognize team members (without regard for their stats) that are not a benefit to the team as a whole. There are reasons why certain individuals should not be here at Teleperformance, some performance based, some personal; there is another plan and another place for them.

I do everything I can to help those around me, I work hard to provide the tools and resources that my teams need to excel, I hope I encourage people to do their best; I believe I do but you would have to ask them. And on the note of encouragement I would like to extend my appreciation for the way I’ve seen things change over these fourteen months. When I first arrived at Teleperformance Columbia it didn’t take longer than a few weeks for me to realize that negative reinforcement and fear based management were primary bases for the work culture that I had just entered into. Experience has taught me that these don’t work very well if your goal is to have a thriving work environment and I have been happy to see this gradually change for the better over these many months. It is that change in environment that has led me to reconsider my initial decision of becoming a supervisor here.

Now as for my accomplishments, I find these more difficult to list because I haven’t kept track of them as well as I should have. I’ll try to remember a few here. What stands out in my mind first is the recognition that received as a COT agent. I had to worke hard in that position and after a few weeks my team mates, then my supervisor began to see how hard I worked to resolve the issues, and the level of ownership that I brought to every issue. Now that ownership sometimes led me to biting off more than I could chew. I still took on the challenges however and everything else took care of itself. That hard work was seen by others as well and I began having BellSouth Division managers call me specifically to assist in resolving issues and our BellSouth Partner Manager began using me on more challenging issues as well.

As a QA I am grateful that I was able to play an part in the successful turn around of Team Sysiphus. That team began as one of the lowest in the call center and I was specifically requested to be the QA for that team. I brought the “Just love’m” factor to add to Shaun’s “they just need to relax” ideal to create a winning combination of that has led that team to now consistently be one of the top performers in the call center every month.

Grace and Babbling

Grace and Babbling
Friday Dec 14, 2007 // 0628amI stopped writing over a month ago, for the most part. I stopped writing because of my own arrogance. I started, a few months ago, changing from a purer motivation for writing, to a corrupt motivation for writing. I started writing with the idea of convincing other men or women (in my mind) to think as I would want them to. There is much more to say about that but I don’t seem to be able to find the words to express what I am wanting to say. All I know is that I have a desire in my heart that I want to scribe, but I can’t seem to get out the exact words.

Which brings me to my second point. Because I have stopped writing over a month ago, maybe two months, I have found it increasingly more difficult to express myself with words. I “feel like” I am speaking another language as I am trying to speak english. And what has come out of my mouth so often has been something that I just attempted to ‘push’ out of my mouth because I did not want to appear stupid or otherwise incapable of saying something of intellect. Now, what has come out of my mouth;I don’t know because I’m not the one that is listening to me, has probably been a mixture of stupidity or what has sounded like much babbling. But then perhaps that would only be if someone were actually listening to me and thought enough to actually consider what I was saying. Because I know that,so many people in general, have the habit of overlooking what someone says and simply moving on about there day.

I’m writing all of these things because my inability to express myself, I believe, has also bled over into my inability to express myself to God. And also my inability to express myself to people that I want to share my faith with. So, I believe I have been more and more inept at praying and sharing my faith. I want to be better able at both, however I don’t want to be motivated to do either just for the sake of being able to do them better, or for the sake of feeling better about myself. But rather I want to look to the cross, to understand the love that the Christ demonstrated every day as he walked among us in human form, ‘and’ to most of all remember the unearnable grace that was given to me. … If I was to bumble around and never do anything right again for the rest of my life, I would still recieve the grace that God has given me. The fact that I do everything I can motivated by the gift that was given to me, is in fact a sign that that grace has been truly given to me. Because, if on the contrary I had no desire to do better for the sake of Christ (not doing my dead level best), then I could be assured that I truly had ‘not’ received the grace that Christ gave. There can be no salvation without works though contrarily salvation is impossible to achieve by works.

Some thoughts on Self-Esteem

… article by Terri Liske

The first thing that I have noticed and that I do so much of the time is use words and concepts rather loosely (that is, without knowing what they really mean). Now, a dictionary definition isn’t necessarily the “final say” on what a word means, but I needed to start somewhere outside of Scripture for the purpose of this: when we use words these days, we rarely use them according to Scripture (especially if there is no specific reference to the word…like “self-esteem”….in the Bible), but according to what they supposedly mean “in the world.” This may be my first mistake, or maybe misunderstanding about what you perceive self-esteem to be, so correct me from the start if so. But anyway, I looked up “self-esteem” in the dictionary and found this:

A realistic respect for or a favorable impression of oneself. From this I also looked up:

Esteem: to regard highly or favorably, with respect.
Respect: sense of worth or excellence of a person.