I feel nauseated. I feel like I have been chewed up and spit out. I have been mocked, insulted, disrespected, belittled, scoffed at, and the list is without end. And my son doesn’t look at these things as things he should be ashamed of. My attempt to tell him how I feel are simply mocked more … With venomous disdain he replies “Are you jealous that I treat other people better than you?”.
My son is one of the most evil people that I have met in my life. He views kindness as not enough. If you stand between him and his Nike shoes, his Bench shirts, and his being able to go where he wants when he wants, then you will receive his hate. The only thing that separates me from others is I am the only one that is standing between him and what he wants. His scorn and disdain is measurable by how much you take away from him. He is not satisfied with clean clothes, clean shoes, three healthy meals a day, and a clean roof over his head. He spent the first twelve years of his life getting nearly everything that he wanted and I am the only one that ever changed that.
A twelve year old who is missing, and no one knows where he is. That is the boy that I was introduced to … When he was eight years old I was misled. I thought he was a “good” boy, care free and full of love.
But that’s not love. His affections and his “respect”; only if you don’t change any of his benefits. His affections and his “respect” if only you do not mess with the unhealthy, sugary, chocolate foods deceptively advertised as a meal; if only you do not mess with his freedom to play violent first person shooter games; if only you do not mess with his “right” to only study the way that ‘he’ wants to study and when ‘he’ wants to study.
“I only treat you that way” he says, “I only hate ‘you’.” he says … Well Mr. Adrian Patrick; I will only be the only one you hate until you run into somebody else that is willing to stand in between you and the things that you want. And not just someone who is willing to, but someone that actually ‘does’ stand between you and what you want. Someone you can’t manipulate, someone you can “smile your way around”. And when someone else does that, when you find someone you can’t convince to give you what you want, then you will hate them also. … Are you getting this? Are you understanding this? … Because if you are getting this you will “get” that you really don’t love anyone. You can not ‘love’ anyone, until you can say that it doesn’t matter what they give you, or what they take away from you, that you will treat them peacefully, patiently, gently, and kindly, no matter what you get or do not get from them …
If how you conduct yourself toward a person depends on what they give you or what they take away from you, then that isn’t love. Jesus defined it; I’m not the one who said what love is and what love is not. When we spat in His face, he did not retaliate, when we put the nails in His feet and His hands, he did not curse us. And when he was hanging up on the tree, on that cross, it was us that he looked down on and said “Forgive them father for they do not realize what they are doing”. And following Christ is very simply defined. Either you are walking the way that Jesus walked or you are not.
So Adrian Patrick Alex, you might be one of the most evil, resentful, hate filled people that I’ve ever met in my life but I will not give up. God already told believers that there were going to be terrible times in the last days. And I will not stop trying to get through to you. I will try different tactics, I will try different ways, but I will not stop trying. What you are doing to me hurts, but I can not look at what Jesus did for me and say my pain is even mildly comparable to his. So if you have to mock me, sneer at me, scoff at me, or whatever you feel you have to do me … know this … I am God’s son just as all of his people are His sons and daughters.
And whatever you do to me, you do to Him. He is the one that put me in your life to make sure that you did not get what you wanted. So he is the one to blame. If you have a problem with what he has done then by putting me in your life then you take it up with him in prayer. As it stands, you are insulting Him even further by admittedly hating one of the ones He has chosen and called out by name. Christ has never stopped loving you and so I will not either.